The Unplayed 66 – Day One

Today I decided to tackle some of my unplayed NES games. I took the easy way out and played them on my modded Xbox since my NES is finicky, the games are buried in the back of a drawer, and the NES controller cords are far too short to allow me to sit comfortably on my couch.

On today's installment, a plumber becomes a doctor, Peter Pan sucks at stabbing pirates, Luigi gets horrible advice from the townspeople, and Little Mac gets throttled by a cheating Spaniard.

Game 1 - Dr. Mario (NES)

I played this game way back in the day when it came out so technically I HAVE played it before, just not recently. This game is pretty much how I remember, line up the colored pill sections with the matching virus to eradicate it. Seems simple enough right?

Yeah, the concept is simple but the game quickly ramps up the difficulty... at least for me anyway. I didn't spend too much time on this one as I'm not one for puzzle games unless I'm just trying to burn some time in a waiting room or spending quality time on the porcelain throne. That being said, Dr. Mario is a decent puzzler but it gets old pretty quickly (to me).

Game 2 - Hook (NES)

Attempted to play this game. I say attempted because it got off to a bad start. The compass system used to pick levels is stupid and I spent probably two minutes trying to figure out how to start a friggen level.

Once I finally managed to start a level I found it nearly impossible to actually stab any of the enemies. This perhaps has to do with the wussy little "sword" you have, but probably more to do with crap-ass programming and hit detection. I was able to stab the first guy, but after that it was hit and miss as to when the pocket knife sword was actually effective. Also you can't jump on the enemies heads to kill them. And they have guns. And you sustain fall damage from meager heights.

This game sucks ass, I turned it off before even making it past the first section of the first level. I had to look up another review to figure out what the point of the game was (collecting random crap like cupcakes and seashells, just like in the movie!).

The only saving grace for this game are the graphics, which are pretty impressive given the limitations of the hardware.

Simply put, this is one of the worst games I've ever played.

Game 3 - Mario is Missing (NES)

I played this game as a youngster as well, back in the days when you could still rent consoles from video stores. I remembered this game as being pretty fun when I rented it back in my elementary days though after revisiting this "gem" I feel as though my mind has betrayed me.

EDIT: Turns out there's an SNES version of this game, I'm almost positive that's the one I played as a kid. No doubt it's just as stupid though.

I'll be honest, I didn't really give it much of a chance, but I don't think it really deserved one. This game was an impulse purchase by me and I never really intended on playing it that much.

The game starts of with a little pictorial about Mario going missing, or at least that's what I think it was. Then the game starts and it all goes downhill from there. It's just boring, and I really didn't have a clue what was going on. Luigi went through a locked door, down some pipes (accompanied by a really horrid attempt to recreate the Super Mario World pipe-travel-sound) and ends up on some street in the barrio where all of the doors have metal bars on them.

I got to the street level pictured above and a phone was ringing, but since I couldn't figure out how to answer it I don't know what it meant. I finally figured out how to talk to people to get clues, but the first person I talked to didn't even answer my question. Luigi asked a passerby where he was and she spouted some cryptic nonsense about needing special shoes to scale the Alps or something.

To continue this game would have been mental punishment.

Done.

Game 4 - Mike Tyson's Punch Out! (NES)

This is no doubt one of the more popular games on the NES. It was definitely the talk of the playground for many months in my elementary school years.

First, I must say I suck at this game, Glass Joe positively hammered me in the first bout. After deciding the game was far too difficult to give it a proper go on my hour-long lunch break I consulted the Game Genie database and proceeded to cheat my ass off. Even with the "One Punch Knockdown" cheat enabled I was only able to progress to the Spanish fighter (4th or 5th fighter you encounter) who quickly made chorizo out of me with his flashing-super-punch bullshit... cheating bastard.

Other than that, I don't think I need to go too in-depth for this game as it was one of the most popular of its time. I personally never saw the appeal then and I don't see it now. Maybe I'll revisit it again after I finish going through my unplayed list to see if I can figure out what the hype is/was all about.